Monday, 2 March 2015

In hibernation

So obviously I haven't posted on here in quite a while. There are a number of reasons for that which I'll quickly go through.

One is that I think I've mellowed somewhat. I still get angry about things which I think are unjust but I find that I don't have the same drive to shout from the rooftops about them. On top of that I find that reading through some things I've posted in the past makes me feel embarrassed about how sweary I've been. While I might still think that some people are [expletive deleted]s that doesn't mean that the best response is to call them that.

Another reason is that starting from around October 2013 my mental state started to deteriorate. It was a combination of things, mostly stress from personal relationships and my academic studies which built up until I couldn't cope any more. The short version of a long story is that I had to suspend my studies, I got counselling from my university's wellbeing centre, I had a lot of support from friends and family and ultimately I got better. I went back to university in October 2014 and I'm in the process of finishing my final year at the time of writing.

My 23rd year was undoubtedly the worst, most harrowing year of my life but at least it's over now and I'm feeling pretty much back to normal. However, one of the many things which fell by the wayside during that time period was my blog. And after so long it feels very hard to find the energy to start it up again.

Yet another reason for my not blogging is that, whilst I still enjoy writing, I find that my energy as a writer seems to have a limit and I'm using it on other things. If I have an idea which I want to share, nowadays I'll write an article for Lib Dem Voice where it'll find a larger audience that it could ever get on my blog. If I want to write an article about local politics I'll save it for the Onslow Lib Dems website. If I want to write for relaxation then I'll tend to focus on a nerdy, yet fun, thingy I'm doing on the forum for a game I enjoy playing. If I want to share an opinion or discuss something which is just happening then I'll use twitter. Plus there have been plenty of academic things to do which involve lots of writing.

All of those are things I do when I feel like it because I feel like it. But for me this blog ended up feeling too much like work. I felt a pressure to write articles regularly and to try and build and maintain an audience. Yet when I did so it often came at the expense of other things which I then felt bad about neglecting.

Since I've had to learn the hard way not to overstretch myself and to try and minimise the number of demands on my time and energy, this blog has ended up being sacrificed.

I can't bring myself to delete it and I'm sad to let it go but as it is I doubt I'll ever be picking up blogging again. I might stick something on here occasionally, and if I write an article for Lib Dem Voice or somewhere I'll try to remember to cross post it here but overall, this blog is in hibernation for the foreseeable future.

Thank you to everyone who's read it and thank you to everyone who's commented. I'm still a Lib Dem, I'm still a feminist, I still care about making the world a better place and I'm still fighting the good fight as best I can but overall I've decided that there are better ways to try and achieve it than by running a private blog.

Goodbye (for the time being) and thank you :)