Friday, 23 September 2011

I'm not dead and sorry

I'm a prize, 100%, utter, f****** bleeding moron.

Basically, I just made a massive cock up. A while ago I decided it would be a good idea to write a "farewell" blogpost which I would constantly rewrite and which would be autoset to publish at some point in the future. The idea being that I would constantly move the publishing date significantly forwards into the future so that it would never get published until I was no longer around to postpone it.

Now, you can guess what happened. It published last night because I forgot about it in the aftermath of conference and catching up with my work. So, yeah, an incredibly stupid idea given that I should have known this sort of thing was a possibility.

I've deleted the post because I'm perfectly well and really, really did not mean for it to publish. I am an utter twat. Aargh. Sorry. Currently overwhelmed by how stupid I've been.

So, if you were one of the people who read that post while it was still online then I am really, really sorry for the distress or concern it may have caused you. And I am glad that someone cared enough to ring me up to find out whether I was alive.

But yeah, I still feel like the world's biggest idiot. So, right now I'm going to go to sleep before I have to get up again in the morning and continue feeling guilty for something so stupid. But, just to make it absolutely clear, I am not, and never will be, suicidal.

As I said, I am so sorry for all the trouble I've caused :( Please feel free to hurl abuse at me in the comment thread below if you were one of the people who read that post - I deserve it.


  1. George, I did not see the post, but am pleased you are well. I have left you a couple of posts relating to the WCA/Atos/ESA. I left them as anon (like this one) not wishing to disclose URL. If you would like to develop the dialogue, let me know how through a post here.
    Regards, JDN

  2. George,

    Don't be so hard on yourself. It was quite a clever idea, but for the fact that you forgot to keep up with it.

    And apart from giving people like me a 'glimpse into your soul', no real harm was done. I mean, how many people could have seen it?...

    Oh, and by the way, if it's any consolation, you did give the impression of being a pretty decent human being.

  3. I didn't see it, George.

    Look, these things happen. We press a wrong key and the damage is done. It might be a good idea to have a "do you wish to publish" button...but there isn't and so we need get on without it.

    Stop beating yourself up. There are, as you very well know, bucketsful of stuff more important than a little mistake like this.

    OK... Now just forget it and go on with the good work.


  4. When you get to my age young man,you will have made many more cock ups,and undoubtedly far worse.

    On the scale of cock ups its not a biggie,so don't fret.

    When you leave the saucepan on and the kitchen is full of black smoke,the pan has a big hole in it,and the wife is giving you a rocket.That's a Cock Up.

    Or when you drive away from the petrol station forgetting to pay because you have to much on your mind,and the friendly neighbourhood policeman pulls you over for nicking fuel,luckily he believed my reason.That,s a cock up.

  5. I'm with all the others. Don't feel too badly about it. You are not the first person to make this kind of mistake and you certainly won't be the last. It's very clear that it was pure and simple forgetfulness rather than malice behind it.

    And, frankly, your energy has been taken up by things like sorting out that ESA motion - you have made a real difference for the better in the past week.

    That post, read without fear and adrenaline coursing through the veins, actually was an excellent piece of writing, as Lady Mark says. You are clearly somebody who cares very much about other people. And Lady Mark is usually spot on:-).

    So, don't beat yourself up about this. We all have these moments. When I had just moved into my husband's flat years ago, I put the washing machine on without replacing this little water tray thingy and nearly flooded us and the flat below. We're only human.

  6. @Mark, @Tris, @Caron and @Anonymous2

    Thanks for your kind words. I've calmed down considerably since I wrote this - I wrote it immediately after receiving the first phone call from the police and felt like kicking myself at the time.

    I'm no longer feeling the urge to smack myself for being so stupid and am pretty much back to normal. Well, normal for me anyway. I'm still not especially comfortable about (an admittedly small number of) people getting an insight like that to my soul - especially as I hadn't updated that one for a while and had been meaning to rewrite it - but I'm mostly over it.

    To be honest, right now I hope I've dealt with the situation and now I just want to take a breather and forget about it for the short term until I'm comfortable bringing it out as an amusing anecdote on the perils of blogging.

    I'd just like to say thank you again to everyone who tried to do something after reading it - it really touches me to know that people cared that much.


    I haven't had a chance to read your comments yet as I've been rather busy for the past 24 hours but I'm sure I'll want to continue the dialogue as soon as I've read your comments. It'll probably have to wait until tomorrow but if you want to find a way to talk to me without anyone else knowing who you are/what you're saying then I suggest you try my google+ account as that's a pretty secure means of communication :)

  7. The posts were under your "Why I did not . . . ." Until recently, I regarded DWP's mgt of WCA/ESA as inept, now it has become vindictive and needs to be addressed "with vigour". JDN


I'm indebted to Birkdale Focus for the following choice of words:

I am happy to address most contributions, even the drunken ones if they are coherent, but I am not going to engage with negative sniping from those who do not have the guts to add their names or a consistent on-line identity to their comments. Such postings will not be published.

Anonymous comments with a constructive contribution to make to the discussion, even if it is critical will continue to be posted. Libellous comments or remarks I think may be libellous will not be published.

I will also not tolerate personation so please do not add comments in the name of real people unless you are that person. If you do not like these rules then start your own blog.

Oh, and if you persist in repeating yourself despite the fact I have addressed your point I may get bored and reject your comment.

The views expressed in comments are those of the poster, not me.