Sunday, 10 April 2011

Being the candidate for Christchurch

Today I paid a visit to Christchurch ward - the place where I'm standing as a council candidate. Unfortunately, I'm going to be living on the other side of Guildford until July when the tenancy agreement runs out, hence it's a bit of a trek to get to Christchurch.

However, today I managed to make the trip and I got to spend about three hours delivering leaflets. Now, this was a very exciting experience as this was the first time I've delivered leaflets with my name on them. There's something very exciting about seeing a piece of literature being sent out in your own name and, despite getting sunburnt, delivering them was hardly a chore.

Mind you, there were all the usual hassles when delivering leaflets. For example, I'm pretty sure that one of my leaflets was eaten by a dog as he was chewing on it when I left. However, the biggest hassle was the letterboxes. As any political activist can tell you, letterboxes were clearly designed by people who have no concept of how they function. Letterboxes are such a pain in the arse that Liberal Democrats even have a song about them. It's to the tune of Little Boxes...



...and has these lyrics:

Letterboxes - by Chris Young


Letterboxes on the doorfronts,
Letterboxes going snippy-snappy;
Letterboxes on the doorfronts -
Letterboxes hurt and maim.
There's a high one and a low one,
And a small one and a narrow one;
And they all stick or go snipy-snappy,
And they all hurt just the same.

And the Focus for the houses
Was written by the candidate;
But he won't touch letterboxes:
Letterboxes hurts and maim.
So I take them and I fold then,
And I try to deliver them;
But they all scrape or go snippy-snappy,
And they all hurt just the same.

Now the front flap on the letterbox
Is stiff or goes flippy-flappy
And it bruises all my fingers
And it traps them in the frame -
Which is filled with rows of bristles
Which crumple the leaflet up.
And they all jam or go scritchy-scratchy,
And they all hurt just the same.

As I bleed upon the leaflet,
It stops at the inner flap,
And I have to wedge it open
With my fingers in the frame.
Then a dog jumps at the doorfront
And tries to bite my fingers off.
And they all growl or go yippy-yappy,
And they all hurt just the same.

So the leaflet turns to dogfood
Or gets snagged in silly curtaining,
And get tangled, further mangled:
It is all part of the game.
When the owner gets the leaflet,
It must be half-illegible;
And they'll never vote Libby-Labby.
But it all hurts just the same.

Letterboxes on the doorfronts
Should be subject to regulations;
Never sideways, all at waist height,
Letterboxes just the same.
And the dogs should be sedated,
And the hinges lubricated fully.
They'd be simple and not knicky-knacky,
And they'd all work just the same.

Enjoy.

1 comment:

  1. There is an art of rolling which makes delivering a lot easier :)

    ReplyDelete

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